The fear he won’t fall

I’m always afraid when I meet someone I like. In a romantic way. I’m always scared that it will end up badly, but that doesn’t stop me from caring.

I mean I’m terrified. I admit it. Every time I’ve tried before, I ended up getting hurt. But I still try. And I put my feelings on the table. Being vulnerable is as fun as staying naked in the cold. Someone might give you a blanked and hug you… or not.

I used to talk about fear a lot. With R. We probably talked about fear more than others would talk about movies, music and weather.

I think it was our favorite subject. We used to say that fear is our friend and that being afraid is very normal.

We were afraid. And we liked it. It was a feeling, our feeling, just like love is our feeling, or hate, or jealousy.

I like my fear now. I got used to it, it’s a cool roommate for my other feelings. My fear doesn’t mess with my love.

It’s like Joshua Radin says:

“And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can’t get my mind off of you
I know you’re scared that I’ll soon be over it
That’s part of it all
Part of the beauty of falling in love with you is the fear you won’t fall”

True, isn’t it? It’s really scary to let someone get close to you.

But that shouldn’t stop us from trying. I’ll keep trying.

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  • Reply
    19/08/2007 at 11:58 PM

    How’s this for a quote:

    fear is a powerful drug
    overcome it and
    you think that you can do

    (Björk, “Innocence”)

  • Reply
    Grupa 1408
    20/08/2007 at 12:03 AM

    Fear is a natural defense mechanism, even in love, that’s why i think that we crave so much after our last love, after the person we’ve lost, from fear of being alone, from fear of knowing somebody new, from fear of getting hurt again, from fear of giving all our heart and soul to someone that doesn’t deserve it. I say let’s be selfish, let’s not give our heart to anyone, having your heart broken is too mush of a punishment for loving. We should love ourselves!

  • Reply
    20/08/2007 at 12:07 AM

    beautiful, thank you! :-*

    Grupa 1408,
    you go ahead and be selfish, I’ll live my own way. Selfless, that is.

  • Reply
    20/08/2007 at 3:00 AM

    This is actually a condition named Philophobia. But I don’t think you really have it. You’re very courageous and keep trying till you get it.

  • Reply
    20/08/2007 at 7:39 AM

    “I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
    Frank Herbert, Dune

  • Reply
    20/08/2007 at 11:58 AM

    me too 🙂

  • Reply
    20/08/2007 at 12:00 PM

    Very nice. 🙂 Thank you.

  • Reply
    20/08/2007 at 12:27 PM

    De ce de fiecare daca cand scrii despre sentimente scrii in engleza ?

  • Reply
    20/08/2007 at 12:46 PM

    daca intri la categoria “personale”, vei vedea ca scriu si in romana. Cat despre engleza, am mai povestit in doua posturi despre asta.

  • Reply
    20/08/2007 at 6:18 PM

    @ars: i guess because she can express her inner thoughts better in english. i don’t know, i’m just saying, this is the case with me; professional habit one might call it. It’s like… you can still disguise them a bit ;))

  • Reply
    22/08/2007 at 2:16 PM

    Grupa 1408, the first part of your comment is so true, but you stray off the correct path in life with your conclusion. Get out there and see that you are NOT a special snowflake you are as special as anyone else.

    What I think is that fear is there in the balance of things for an obvious reason, to ensure our survival.
    Your brain is an incredible machine designed by millions of generations of success stories.
    Think a bit about your ancestors whom you should be grateful to for having the emotional circuitry that is responsible for fear in your head in the first place. Well the ones that stepped off the edge of the cliff are clearly not your ancestors. The ones that didn’t, and for good reason, driven off by fear survived and you can thank them for this almost perfect circuit.
    Like.. when you’re afraid of heights. Many people think this fear isn’t justified, that they’re nuts for having these emotions even though they were given to them by their ancestors. The thing is you are the reason for which they existed – you should thank them for your emotions instead of looking around all the time figuring out how to live better. You should look inside and trust your instincts, trust your emotions – like for instance when you’re attracted to a person – just shut your brain off shut it off completely and trust your instincts and emotions. Sometimes you got to do just that.

    Talking about fear again, Yoda said
    “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

    I say we can control the amount of fear that resides within us, using it to ensure our survival – the purpose for it’s existence. We must control fear, we don’t want to let the fear control us. After we have settled that in we can just enjoy this magnificent gift that was given to us, life.
    Just let the most important feelings and emotions guide you in the moments that matter.

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