I’m always afraid when I meet someone I like. In a romantic way. I’m always scared that it will end up badly, but that doesn’t stop me from caring.
I mean I’m terrified. I admit it. Every time I’ve tried before, I ended up getting hurt. But I still try. And I put my feelings on the table. Being vulnerable is as fun as staying naked in the cold. Someone might give you a blanked and hug you… or not.
I used to talk about fear a lot. With R. We probably talked about fear more than others would talk about movies, music and weather.
I think it was our favorite subject. We used to say that fear is our friend and that being afraid is very normal.
We were afraid. And we liked it. It was a feeling, our feeling, just like love is our feeling, or hate, or jealousy.
I like my fear now. I got used to it, it’s a cool roommate for my other feelings. My fear doesn’t mess with my love.
It’s like Joshua Radin says:
“And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can’t get my mind off of you
I know you’re scared that I’ll soon be over it
That’s part of it all
Part of the beauty of falling in love with you is the fear you won’t fall”
True, isn’t it? It’s really scary to let someone get close to you.
But that shouldn’t stop us from trying. I’ll keep trying.