The speech

Who hasn’t held the “Love me“ speech at least once in their life? If you haven’t, I pity you. I pity you for not being brave enough to fight for the one you love, for giving up your pride and putting everything on the table.

But I’m sure you have. At least once. I trust my readers! 🙂

I have held the speech just recently. And it did work, kind of. It worked because it made me feel a lot better, relieved and free. The person I loved didn’t do anything about it. But it’s ok. Or maybe it’s not ok, but it’s going to be. Soonish.

My next favorite speech is the “you don’t get to call me a whore” one. It’s when you tell the person judging you while you try to put your pieces back together. You tell that person to shove their attitude the same pipe they shoved your feelings.

The third one is the “do you think I like this?” speech. It means “it’s not easy for me either”. It’s nice. But it’s so not empowering because it’s not a matter of courage to tell the world it’s difficult to live with your own decisions. It’s hard for everybody, ok? You don’t get to be a hero just because you’re in the play.

I think there’s place for another speech in the dynamics of a relationship. “I don’t need this” – here it goes:

Screw you. Damn you. I loved you and told you that. I still do, damn it. But I’m tired of feeling guilty for believing you. I refuse to feel responsible for this mess.

I know you loved me. It was clear as daylight. I think you still do. I don’t regret trusting you. I only regret you were unworthy of my trust. And that you forgot to mention you felt that way for a number of persons. At the same time. Do they also know that, by the way? I am not a home wrecker. I was just foolish enough to believe you loved me and only me.

And you don’t get to say goodbye. You don’t get to tell me that you’ll stop calling me because I‘m not answering your calls. That’s stupid. And it’s not a matter of pride, I gave that away a long time ago. It’s a matter of respect. You have to give me that.

I realized yesterday that even though I still love you, I do admit that, as painful as it may be, there are persons in this world who can make me laugh and feel good about myself. And you haven’t been able to do that in a while.

I feel messed up and confused and so damaged that I ask myself if I deserve being treated this way. I don’t! And I know it now. I should’ve realized that sooner, it’s true. I deserve being offered everything, just as I gave you all I had. It’s not about quality only, it’s about quantity, too. And you gave me a little piece of yourself only and saved the rest for rainy days and other women. Well, you can keep your whole self. I don’t need tea-spoons of love. I want a whole bottle of it. So, screw you. I don’t need this. I can do much better.