I just hate people who don’t respect a good mourning after a break up. Ok, so we used to see each other, we cared about one another and something, somewhere went wrong. Maybe one of us didn’t care about the other enough or maybe someone made a mistake that the other can’t get over – regardless the reason, supposing that we didn’t break up because we weren’t attracted to one another, I do not want to be your friend. At least for a while.
1. We have so many things in common! No shit. If we do, why did we break up in the first place? It’s the kind of attitude the dumpper usually has. It’s another way of saying “I don’t want to sleep with you, I think I want to be with your friend, but you’re funny and sometimes helpful”. No, thank you.
2. The painful process of breaking up with you would be much easier if we saw each other in the mean time. O rly? Like a slow bikini waxing? Removing the hot wax little by little, hair by hair, for minutes – hours maybe? Do you think that would help ease the pain? You must be out of your mind. The dumper would say that only if he/she wasn’t sure of the decision. And everybody knows: you’re either sure, or don’t let the door slam you on your way out. If you have been dumped, seeing the other one or talking to him/her will only make things worse: you’ll fantasize about getting back together, you’ll prolong the sufferance and eventually you’ll have a nervous break down when you see your “friend” with someone else. Because he / she will move on.
3. My heart says yes, but my head says no. I can’t stay away from you, even if I know I’ll walk away in a few months. Well then, listen to your head and stop messing with my feelings. What are you, 12? Act like an adult and take decisions responsibly, taking into account the consequences of your actions. This kind of relationship, the “staying in touch because you never know when I’ll crave for you again” is recommended to masochists, persons who have to pride or selfrespect and do not want to move on with their lives. No, thank you.
4. You’re the only person I can talk to. Well then, you have a problem. Two problems actually: the first is that it’s simply abnormal for you to keep things from your partner and confess to your ex and the second is that the only person you can talk to does not want to hear about your sexual accomplishments or frustrations. Not anymore, that is. Get over it.
5. Just because we are not a couple anymore, doesn’t mean we can’t go out from time to time. First of all, it depends on how we met. Were we friends before? Because of we weren’t, we can’t “go back to being friends”. We can try to become friends, but give me some time. Let me get over you and then talk about spending quality time together. If we were friends, we’ll probably see each other again as we have the same group of friends. But even so, respect me and give me some time to mourn, to eat chocolate and listen to sad music while crying my heart out. Don’t expect me to act like nothing has happened the next day. It doesn’t even matter who broke up with who, dumper or dumped, it’s important to let the wounds heal and then think about the next step in the relationship.
Crystal clear?
33 Comments
Mihai
30/06/2006 at 1:33 PMThe first point is not too well argumented, in my opinion. Yes, you have things in common, the reason why you broke up was not that you don’t have, might be totally something else. And usually is. So the things in common remain, which can be a starter for a friendship.
Anyways, if in my opinion if you managed to be with someone in a serious relationship, he/she was also one of your best friends during that period – otherwise you would not stay with him/her. Therefore, the basis for the friendship exists.
Cristy
30/06/2006 at 1:40 PMIn a lot of cases having too many things in common can kill a relationship…
Jen
30/06/2006 at 1:54 PM1. Cum a zis si Mihai, motivul despartirii poate sa fie cu totul altul. Distanta, alta persoana, concentrarea pe cariera, etc. Poate unul din lucrurile importante nu era comun si a fost cauza despartirii, dar restul nu dispar.
2. De acord, partial. Been there, done that, dar nu in persoana, doar pe net. A fost nasol pe alocuri (a se citi, cateva luni), dar am trecut peste si nu-mi pare rau ca am tinut legatura in perioada aia.
3. Agreed.
4. Uneori ai nevoie de o parere din afara relatiei, si cata vreme fosta/ul nu mai viseaza in secret la tine, poate da parerea aia. Avantaje: te cunoaste destul de bine ca sa stie cum gandesti si cum reactionezi, si poate sa-si dea cu parerea in cunostinta de cauza. Cata vreme reusesc sa raman prietena cu fostul, imi pasa de el si de relatiile lui, deci sunt dispusa sa aud de eventualele probleme, daca il pot ajuta.
5. De acord, partial. Daca nu am fost prieteni inainte, nu exista nimic la care sa ne intoarcem, dar se poate construi ceva. Daca am fost prieteni, nu vad de ce nu s-ar putea – dupa o perioada de timp, evident. ‘It’s important to let the wounds heal’ = always.
Problema mea e cu persoanele care spun ca nu pot ramane prieteni/e cu fostii/ele, sub nici o forma, never ever. Ok, sunt unele cazuri in care nu se poate, din diverse motive, dar chiar asa, sa spui ‘nu’ din principiu? Cata vreme mi se pare ca se poate si merita, eu o sa incerc sa raman prietena cu fostii. Si daca exista bunavointa de ambele parti, daca fiecare incearca sa se puna in locul celuilalt si sa faca un efort, eu zic ca se poate (de fapt, s-a putut deja). Parerea mea e ca un ex poate sa devina un prieten foarte bun, in timp… Ma rog, si dupa asta apare problema cu actualii, carora probabil n-o sa le convina chestia asta, samd…
Mihai
30/06/2006 at 2:23 PMtotal de acord cu ultimul paragraf al lui Jen. Intr-adevar, actualii pot avea o problema, insa daca sunt “smart enough” vor intelege….
kod
30/06/2006 at 2:57 PMok, first of all…you still tend to write your emotional posts in english…i hope it’s not the beer effect again 😛
and second…and please forgive me if I’m wrong, i don’t recognise your style in here (except the first paragraph), is it a copy/paste?
ftudor
30/06/2006 at 3:35 PMThere are no such words as “moarning” or “moarn” in English. Maybe “mourning” and “mourn”.
To avoid confusions, use Romanian instead 🙂
andressa
30/06/2006 at 3:39 PMSorry. It’s mourn.
I’ll spell check it next time.
I’ll write in any language I want though! 🙂
Oh, and another thing. Copy and paste?? 😀
radu
30/06/2006 at 4:11 PMNever get too involved.
Never try to remain friends if you were in love at the time when you and him had sexual intercourse.
Never cry for a man (especially romanians, they are all pigs, including myself).
Don’t love, just enjoy. There’s a time for joy and a time for love (which comes later).
hasan
30/06/2006 at 4:14 PMdaca “actualul” a fost inselat cu un oarecare si prietena a recunoscut ?
Poate cineva sa dea sfaturi legate de situatie …
stingo
30/06/2006 at 4:41 PMIn my opinion, that’s why it’s called break up. You are supposed to take a break from them. My breaks usually last at least as long as the relationships themselves (even if this means four years). Only after we detach from one another, from the intimacy, we can try to be friends again.
So, again, I can relate to what you’re saying. I don’t believe in “let’s stay friends”. In theory, it sounds nice, but in real life, it’s complicated to stay friends with an ex immediately after you parted with them.
ago
30/06/2006 at 6:00 PMgrea e viaţa asta… era mai bine când eram moluşte. am zis!
iamraw
30/06/2006 at 6:01 PMMore fun, less bitching please ! 🙂
Andrei Sava
30/06/2006 at 6:36 PM🙂 hmm…o sa incerc sa ma abtin de la orice comentariu rautacios, dar am tinut sa mentionez ca aveam de gand sa fac asta…
bobby
30/06/2006 at 9:42 PMhm 😀
si daca a doua zi fosta ma vede cu o tipa? :)) (this is my way of mourning… fiecare cu ciocolata sa)
mai mult, daca ne impacam si imi scoate ochii? (cum zicea Ross din Friends: WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!)
mie mi se pare cam one-sided faza asta si sunt sigur ca, la un moment dat, fiind de partea cealalta, nu ti-ar fi la fel de usor sa “listen to your head”.
No offence, dar ce spui tu in articolul asta da senzatia ca ai avut o relatie de vreo 5-6 ani si v-ati despartit. Ori din blogul tau (si posturile anterioare) reiese ca e cu mult mai putin. In consecinta, ce e asa de mult de jelit???
Andrei Sava
30/06/2006 at 10:14 PMExact 🙂 Bobby a zis-o foarte bine in locul meu. Si chiar destul de diplomatic.
stingo
30/06/2006 at 11:51 PMPoate ca s-au despartit de mai de mult but he’s still finding hard to let go?
miriapod
30/06/2006 at 11:53 PMoh no. orice sub 5-6 ani e cantitate neglijabila atunci:)
men
satyricon
01/07/2006 at 12:07 AMera mai dragut postul in care cautai un luceafar…probabil vrea sa va impacati acum!baietii astia [nu stiu niciodata cand o fata spune nu]…vrei sa il aranjam noi daca te mai supara 🙂
Silvia
01/07/2006 at 1:59 AMhaha bobby, nu stiu de ce mi-am amintit si eu de Ross si al sau “We were on a break!!!”
andressa
01/07/2006 at 3:38 AMAs weird as it may sound, some invest energy and feelings into all relationships. And some of them end quickly. But they still care.
Stingo understood me: the point of a break up is to be apart from one another, at least for a while, until both partners are ready to move on.
LIGHTNING
01/07/2006 at 11:12 AMDin ce reiese din post.. he dumped you right?
Iar ca ai reactionat asa inseamna ca erai indragostita de el. (d’oh)
Am avut si eu o faza dasta.. ea era indragostita de mine .. i didnt give a damn. La fel, ca nu vrea sa fim prieteni sa sterg orice urma de ea etc.. si mai mult de asta vroia sa ma fac si eu sa sufar ca .. pot sa zic ca si-a cam sapat groapa..
Best thing to do here is either to focus on some1 else .. or just stop any thought about this ..
andressa
01/07/2006 at 11:19 AMLightining: ideea textului a pornit de la o stare de-a mea. Dar postul nu e un mesaj pentru un fost iubit. Nu e o pagina de jurnal intim. E un text. Pentru cei care se regasesc in el, pentru mine, pentru cine vrea.
I still am a journalist. Deep down inside. I’m a columnist! 🙂
bobby
01/07/2006 at 7:45 PMSilvia: great minds think alike 😀
Andreea, a tine la cineva e una, a jelui dupa o relatie care e clar ca nu merge dupa un timp relativ scurt e.. pierdere de timp. Continua sa tii la persoana respectiva, nu te opreste nimeni, dar nu are rost sa plangi dupa o relatie moarta din fasa: oricum nu ai avut nimic…
Strainu
01/07/2006 at 11:07 PMYes sir!…errrrrr, m’am 😀
Daca gasesti pe undeva filmul Star din seria “The Hire” de la BMW, uita-te…postul asta parca iesea din gura Madonnei
andressa
02/07/2006 at 8:55 AMBobby, for the last time, a post is a post. it’s not necessarily my life. It would be impossible to write from my own experience. My life isn’t that exciting.
LIGHTNING
02/07/2006 at 9:26 AMNext time specifica si tu:D
Presupun ca daia ai sters si ultimu post 😀
Cosmin
02/07/2006 at 4:36 PMSi oricum, e posibil sa ramai prieten dupa break-up 🙂
andressa
03/07/2006 at 8:47 AMCosmin, mai citeste o data. “…it’s important to let the wounds heal and then think about the next step in the relationship” Acum intelegi?
deea
04/07/2006 at 2:49 AMde ce azi a fost o zi plina de coincidente? 🙁
Tina
05/07/2006 at 12:23 AMSounds like something * I * might write… 😀
andreimo rosan
17/07/2006 at 2:14 AMit happened to me once, it happened suddenly, without any argue, anything , without any opportunity to straighten things up a little bit. i do not have any remorse , not at all. the image in my dreams, pardon me, nightmares, still appears.
Anonim
23/08/2006 at 5:48 AMNu este “dumper and dumped” este “dumper and dumpee”, substantivul se formeaza cu “ee”.
Aici material in care e folosit
http://ivillage.feedroom.com/ifr_main.jsp?nsid=a2079ba3e:10d38be58ff:-4fd6&rf=sv&fr_story=642a94e6361c790781d7be9ecb9175364d9b7876&st=1156301107594&mp=WMP&cpf=true&fr=082206_104640_2079ba3ex10d38be58ffxw4fd4&rdm=749767.781782287
si cate ceva despre sufix:
http://www.bartleby.com/68/26/2126.html
andressa
23/08/2006 at 9:36 AMMersi, Anonim! Mi-a mai spus cineva asta, dar am ales sa las textul asa daca l-am publicat deja. Pe viitor, voi sti mai bine.